what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
