You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
