Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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