There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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