Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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