I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
