god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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