So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
