dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
