All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
