he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
