I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
