I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
