I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
A+ Viking dick
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
