im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
