Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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