Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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