Kiss
Puke
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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