She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
