its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
foreskin is a definite game changer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
