If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
