Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
