remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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