Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
