Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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