well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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