we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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