i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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