I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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