Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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