This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
