You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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