literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
