just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
