Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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