So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize