yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
