So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize