Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
