This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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