very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
