are you still at the devil's house?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
