it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
