Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
