so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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