my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
