I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
