I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
