More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
