So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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