fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
don't judge my taste in strippers
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
