why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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