in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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