I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
