i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
