Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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