It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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