he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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