Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.