I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip