I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.