Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.