I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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