Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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