at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
