Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
