you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
