This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
