What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
