Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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