I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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