You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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