I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
