Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
