She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
