I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
