I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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