I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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