You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
