If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
