I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
