apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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