I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
