Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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