Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
